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# 4
Short Call
Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversations on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes. “What is the matter today?” asked her husband. “Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone.” “I got a wrong number,” replied Mrs. Banta Singh.


 
# 5
Murdered English
Here are examples of some charming misprints. In Pune Cantonment they have a separate mess for officers of the Intelligence Bureau. The signboard reads “Intelligence Mess”. Again in Pune, a devout truck driver has printed behind his vehicle: “God is grate.” Another warning overtakes “Horn Blow”. And a butcher advertises his wares as “Farash meet of Pork sold here”. The best is the signboard on a bakery: “Bakery Number One, Dilruba & Sons, The biggest loafers in town”.


 
# 6
Look Like Yourself
Seen outside a barber’s saloon near a bus stop is the following message: “Visit immediately, no time waste Instant Beauty Saloon Special visiting Hours from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. If you are a passenger alighting from buses in the evening hours then walk straight into our saloon. We make you up-to-date so that your wife and children recognize you without difficulty! Preferable: A copy of your original photograph for matching!”


 
# 7
Small Time Thief
A boy was caught stealing a watch from a shop. He was taken to a police station and put in a lock-up. A hardened criminal lodged there showed some sympathy and said, “You are wasting time on small items. Why don’t you rob a bank?” The boy replied, “By the time I leave school, all the banks are closed”.


 
# 8
Suspense Story
Ramesh asked his classmates, “Do you know how to keep a bewakoof (dunce) in suspense. “No, you tell me.” “I’ll tell you another day.”


 
# 9
Prayer, Counter-prayer
Banta Singh had a bitter quarrel with his wife. In his anger he prayed loudly “Hey Bhagwan! Mujhe uttha ley – Lord take me away from this world.”
Mrs. Banta Singh retaliated: “Hey Bhagwan! Mujhe uttha ley.”
Banta Singh quickly amended his prayer: “Hey Bhagwan! Tu Iski sun ley – O Lord, grant her prayer.”


 
# 10
Telephone Call
Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited. “Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis,” he said. The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. “I will come in the morning.” The man protested, “But doctor, my wife is really serious.” The doctor replied, “I took out your wife’s appendix two years ago. She can’t have another. The caller protested, “That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife.”


 
# 11
Auto Lingo
A Sardarji newly arrived in England, brought a car before he picked up the language or rules of the road. One day while driving in the countryside his car skidded off the road and landed in a ditch. Much as he tried, he could not get it move forward or backward. An Englishman passing-by who came to help him asked, “What’s the matter, mate?” The Sardarji replied in his best English, “My car garhey mein phasing. Not hilling aggaey, not hilling picchey, only horn pee-pe karing.”


 
# 12
Fouled Proposal
Banta fell in love with a college girl but did not know how to propose marriage to her. After much thinking he asked, “Sujata, would you like to be the mother of my children?” Sujata replied, “Why not? How many you have?”


 
# 13

When God created the world, he could not help boasting to Brahma of the special favors he had bestowed on India. “I gave it the highest mountains and broadest rivers in the world; I gave it coal, gold and diamond mines. I gave it the best of everything.” “Was it fair to give one country so much wealth?” asked Brahma. “You should see the kind of people I put in India. They will waste everything I gave them.”


 
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